HOW WAS THE CIRQUE DU SOLEIL?

or: THE CIRQUE JERK


Don't get me wrong. I did have a good time at the Cirque du Soleil. I had to have a good time at the Cirque du Soleil. It's the Law. And it is about this very legislation that I wish to speak.

Wait -- was the performance very impressive? Yes.

Was their visionary SALTIMBANCO SHOW a delirious matrix of colour & sound that mixed the aesthetic of hyper-spatial elves with the vigorous posturing of a 19th century dance instructor? Yup! Was it a psychedelic potpourri of “old world charm” with a liberal dash of cool futurism” to dazzle the audience? Sure. Of course it was. And so I liked it. I really did. But I also felt obliged to like it (which I did not like).

Perhaps I shouldn't be saying this out loud. I ought to have just clear, simple emotions. Vague and complicated emotions are highly suspicious. One should never say in public: “Of course I'm against Hitler, but...” Ambiguity may be severely misconstrued.

The Law says: I have to enjoy the Cirque du Soleil. Everyone enjoys the Cirque du Soleil! The People have agreed. So my ambiguity puts me at risk. My little words might be misunderstood as a revelation of wickedness.

Yet, I beg you, before denouncing me, before calling me “Scrooge McAudienceMember,” or some other equally bizarre insult (that no one but me would ever come up with) please try to remember -- I found Cirque to be very, very enjoyable. In fact, I found that “it” was very enjoyable even if I didn't enjoy myself!

You follow?

No, of course you don't. How could I NOT enjoy that which I found to be enjoyable? Aren't I the subject of my own enunciation? Yeesh. I am now speaking a language of two-faced abstractions, gibber-jabberish which is normally reserved for discussing “European post-structuralist cultural theories.” If such things even exist!

I'll try to explain more simply:

I was astonished. Which is what I expected. So in that respect, I was not astonished.

Simple but loopy. Two things where every One thing should be. Footage & bonus footage on the same screen. Am I advanced or insane? Or do both these options give me too much credit? When I told folks that my wonderful extended family (and they really, truly are wonderful) was giving me a FREE TICKET to the Cirque du Soleil, and maybe -- if the Gods of Valhalla were on our side – a BACKSTAGE PASS.... well, I had mixed feelings. After all, how could I tell if I really, really wanted to go? Maybe my desire was being manipulated by the invisible social context in which I am embedded? Perhaps I assumed that people-in-general want to see Cirque and so I reflected “their” desire back onto myself?

Is there even such as thing as “really wanting”?

I decided to ask around. I told my problems to lovely young café baristas, street bums, bus stop waifs & various bourgeois business owners of my acquaintance. I said, Listen: I get to go to Cirque du Soleil but I'm not sure I should. I wanted to get a mixed set of opinions.

No luck.

Every single person told me the same damned thing. I mean Every Single Person I talked to gave me a variation of this one response: “What? You've got to go! Cirque du Soleil is great. I saw them Somewhere or heard Something about them once. They're very entertaining & sophisticated. You have to go.”

I have to go. There it is -- the Law.

They didn't try to sell me on the significance of the event. No one said, “Hey, Cirque is a lively, colourful window into the thrilling depths of the body's own imagination, a lifting of the cellular mystery-power into such refinement that it reveals the first authentic glimmerings of a truly GLOBAL form of human culture.” Nope, no one said that. Nobody tried to astound me by claiming that Cirque is “basically like David Lynch directing a kindergarten performance of 'Puff the Magical Dragon' with a cast of all Olympic athletes.”

Instead, they invoked a moral argument:

A. It is the solemn duty of all citizens to be entertained.
B. Cirque du Soleil is GOOD entertainment
C. Thus all citizens must go to Cirque.

Who can argue with pure logic?

So off I went. Of course I did. I had to. I sat watching acrobats, dancers, gymnasts, jugglers & innumerable juicy-jigglers as they interlaced their well-toned & well-trained bodies into a seemingly endless cavalcade of unnatural hieroglyphs of the flesh. Just as I expected. And, while they got the spotlight, my own Herculean efforts went undetected in the darkness.

I did all that “audience work.” The Law decrees I must. I had to constantly recollect what normal body movements look like, comparing & contrasting them to the acrobatics on stage. I had to note all the pertinent differences and then pump out the appropriate brain chemicals. I was required to pick out certain “best moments in the show” after which I had to enthusiastically holler & clap and -- to top it all off -- I had to to synchronize all my actions with the rest of my fellow audience members.

Exhausting. Too bad I had no choice.

Hopefully, therefore, you will understand that when people ask me, “How was it?” I shall be forced by truthfulness to say: “Well, I liked it, but....”

My over-all conclusion about Cirque du Soleil?

“I liked it, but!”

(And don't go editing this footage later so it sounds like I'm saying: I LIKE BUTT! That would be childish & just plain WRONG.)